It might sound stupid but it actually works. Instead of usually doing what I do, focusing on the negative aspects of life, I focus on whats good. The glass half full kinda thing. Like on friday, I accidently fell off the stepstool and kicked over the paint can and spilled it all over the pink carpet, instantly I knew nothing good could possibly come from this action but I immediately set my mind to fixing this problem. I poured the stain remover all over the stain but ran out, remembering something about vinegar removing stains, I grabbed the vinegar from the kitchen and spilled it all over the stain and got down to scrubbing. Right now there is a faint green stain on the carpet, but with a little water pouring and scrubbing now and then I know that stain will be gone.

And thats just one example of my positive thinking. Although the problem is not gone, I just think positive and don't let the problem bring me down. You just have to set your mind to it.

I also have been reading Glamour and Cosmo. It's a fun read and it got me thinking, why is it me who is always at the sidelines? I'm a pretty boring person but I could change that and that what I plan what to do.

I have changed my blog, I won't be lingering in my emo self, absorbed in my problems. I am not going to delete my old posts but leave them..I guess to show that I have changed. Goodbye boring self, and maybe hello to somebody better.

I'm not sure if I've talked about this or not, but if I have, forgive me. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. I think that Chrisitan music shouldn't be:

How great is our God,
sing with me
How great is our God,
and all will see
How great, How great
Is our God

That is incredibly boring. No one feels that way all of the time. Christians and even unsaved souls are constantly struggling in their walk of life and their relationship with God. How many times do we sing along just because the words are on some projector screen in front of us? How many of these songs do you think are written just because the words rhyme? If you were to ask me, I would guess that quite a few were.

Brand New is a different kind of band. They used to be a cookie cutter emo band that wrote some catchy tunes ad probably shed a few tears along the way. But their singer, Jesse Lacey, was raised as a Christian (I think) and lost his faith, but rededicated his life somewhere in between the release of Deja Entendu and their last album, The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me. (For the record, I have not spoken to Jesse Lacey, I'm getting my information from the context of the band's lyrics, so I may be a bit off on some things)

The rest of the band, as far as I know, are not Christian, nor is Brand New considered by anyone to be a Christian band, so Jesse Lacey doesn't have to write songs like How Great Is Our God. How much flack do you think Chris Tomlin would get if he wrote a song with lyrics like:

"And in the choir I saw our sad Messiah.
He was bored and tired of my laments.
He said, 'I died for you one time, but never again'"

He'd get eaten alive. Jesse can say just what's on his mind. He talks about taboo things, like: are there sins that are unforgivable? And his hatred of people who cram the bible down your throat. And losing your faith. It may sound sacreligious to you, but I think that this is how Christian music should be.

We can still have How Great Is Our God, but that's praise music. Christian music needs to be about our honest to goodness relationship with God, just like a good portion rock music is about relationships between family, friends, and significant others.

Apart from the lyrical value of The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me, the music is also great. This is the pinnacle of emo. This is probably the only true emo band I listen to, because honestly I find it pretty boring for the most part. Brand New is not boring. I would reccomend it to anyone who is bored of the genre of emo or anyone who is bored of praise music. This would probably make it into my top 5 albums of all time. In my opinion, it is a perfect album.

The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me-Brand New:

Of their three albums, the latest is definitely Brand New's masterpiece. I would go as far to say that they've hit their peak with this one. The album is full of self-exploration on things like religion and love and sex and all that other stuff you can expect from Jesse Lacey. The sound of the album is almost...ghostly throughout. The best track on the album goes to "Jesus Christ."

The Ugly Organ-Cursive

A lot of people prefer domestica to this one, but it's just so dang hard for me to argue with how loud and full of discord The Ugly Organ is. The lyrics are very emotional and personal, as they always are with Tim Kasher, and that adds a completely new dimension to the album, as the listener gets to feel and hear and know what each song's characters are facing.

Little by Little...-Harvey Danger

This is probably the catchiest album I own. Sean Nelson's voice is so very smart on Little by Little... and the lyrics are clever and poppy, yet are deep and real at the same time--a balance that's hard to strike in modern music.

The Moon and Antarctica-Modest Mouse

No one ever really knows what Issac Brock is talking about on Modest Mouse album's. And it seems that the earlier into their work you go, the more and more twisted and unorganized the music becomes. As the release between The Lonesome Crowded West and Good News for People Who Love Bad News, this album hits every genius that is the mesmerizing, yet confusing Modest Mouse while not missing out on the more commercial side, which, without, makes Modest Mouse sound almost unapproachable.

OK Computer-Radiohead

This one was almost to obvious. No one can have a good pretentious list without having thisalbum on it. But I truly do love this album, and right now it's my favorite Radiohead album. I think this is the reason: on almost every album I have, the music is set up as such: music /and/ vocals; but on Radiohead albums, especially this one, Thom Yorke's voice becomes less of a seperate entity from the music and more of just another instrument that blends seemlessly.

Not as suicidal as I was the other day mind, when I was like that close from OD'ing, but significantly so. I catch myself planning my exit at random moments.

It'll be midnight soon. I don't normally stay up this late, as a year ago I decided to get a regular bedtime so that I would sleep better (I used to suffer from terrible insomnia...much worse than it is these days...these days I'm just so knackered, there isn't much room for insomnia, unless you count when I'm so depressed I wake up at 2am and start staring at the ceiling, or, even worse, start crying my eyes out.

At least when you stare at the ceiling you don't feel anything. I'm sitting here in the dark, on my laptop, and listening to Brand New (you may have guessed from the first 14 words of this post, including the title, if you are a fan, that is)...

I turn 18 in 5 days. It's surprising really. I didn't expect to see 18. Now that may sound a little melodramatic, but, for all I've been through and the whole suicidal / once actually attempted suicide (long time ago) thing...

And I wish that I could tell you right now- I love you- but it looks like I won't be around...you won't know...

As much as I could tell him that I love him, it wouldn't matter anyway. Because he wouldn't give a fuck.

I can't face sleeping, but I can't face staying awake either. Life is full of so many complicated choices and decisions. And I'm a walking contradiction, which makes matters worse. Nope, not listening to Green Day- still Brand New, but that was just a fact...

I'm not excited about my birthday at all. The only reason why I'm counting the days off is because I know that as soon as I'm 18 I can move out anytime- it's like a landmark for me, because it takes me closer to my actual leaving date of the 30th July...Also, I'm considering getting my tongue / lip pierced (can't decide which) and my parents are super strict so I'd have to be 18 to get that done...also, I want to get my first tattoo...

Although I suppose in my current state of unstable mental health, it probably isn't good for me to be making any major decisions such as body modification, seeing as even the smallest decisions phase me, and I keep changing my mind about everything, including whether I want to live or die...

The scars on my arms of when I last self harmed look nasty...you have to look to really see them...it's not as if everyone notices...if you knew they were there you'd notice them...if not, you'd have to look really close...to me they're so obvious and ugly...there are 3 long cuts that are prominent over the many others I have made...these 3 are the ones that I have had a horrible tendency to open up over and over again...I used to cut all over the arm, but then I would run out of space...eventually it just got down to those 3 scars...I would go through an episode (hate that word) of self harm, start feeling better, or, just stop self harming for a while. The cuts would start to heal, but then I'd just go crazy* again and rip them open. Over and over again.

My ex (the guy I'm still in love with) made me promise, when he saw them, never to do it again. And I haven't since. Maybe because I made a promise to him, and he is special to me. Maybe because it's summer. Although I have strong urges to self harm in summer, I frequently commit acts of self harm in the winter, when I can cover up without too many suspicious questions...perhaps because winter is known to make even regualar people feel depressed (think seasonal affective disorder) therefore I feel more depressed in the winter, like I feel even more depressed in the mornings, perhaps because all of my pent up trying not to self harm during summer just comes out in one big fat stressed urge in the winter...perhaps because I'm just weird like that.

*Not that I'm saying that people who self harm are crazy...what I mean is, I had this sudden, overwhelming urge to cut that I could not control...to me, my behaviour can only be described by saying 'crazy'...I felt like I was crazy at the time, like I was completely out of control...

I have no idea why I'm sitting here typing this...I don't post because I want to...I post because I just do...I don't tell people the truth in real life...I don't talk to them properly, I just lie my ass off so as to not upset them, not feel vulnerable (once I've opened up to someone, even my last mental health nurse person, I clam up and never speak to them again...I've ignored all her calls simply because I don't want to speak to her again after opening up to her...I have a habit of doing this...a lot...), not to put them under any pressure, not to be a burden, you get the picture...

On the internet it doesn't really matter. No-one knows who I am. No-one cares. I don't have to worry about pouring my heart out. I have always communicated best through written words. All my deepest, darkest secrets have been spilled to my pen-friend over the internet. Things that I just couldn't say out loud. It's also quite reassuring (wrong word but who cares) to have my thoughts out like this...it helps get all the shit out...well, as much of is as possible...

I don't know what I should do. I guess I will try stay awake for as long as I can, just so that I can end up so knackered I can sleep right through...what pisses me off is that it gets so light at 4am...I wish it would stay dark for much longer so that I could just sleep...

***

>>> Van Der Graaf Generator: "All that Before".mp3

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>>> Νο Age: "Ripped Knees".mp3

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>>> Mudcrutch: "The Wrong Thing to Do".mp3

 Η Φετεινή χρονιά θα΄χει μουσικολογικώς(sic) χρώμα: "Black". Black Keys, Black Mountain και τώρα: Black Angels. Όλοι με δισκάρες! Η επιστροφή της ψυχεδέλειας! Το εξώφυλλo άλλωστε του φετεινού τους άλμπουμ σε παραπέμπει αυτόματα στον Roky Erickson και τους 13th Floor Elevators.

***

 Aπό το "Passover" πρώτα ένα κομμάτι γιά μιά ηχητική επαφή, το υπέροχο >>> "Μanipulation".mp3

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Kι από το φετεινό >>> Βlack Angels: "Science Killer".mp3

Alexis de Tocqueville, 200 anni fa

Esempio 1

PK: ma visto tutto quello che e' successo e sta succedendo non ti vergogni di aver votato per Voldermort?
AdiPK: per niente. In tre anni Prodi mi ha fatto pagare X euro in piu, e poi...
PK: praticamente tra la liberta' ed il taglio delle tasse preferisci quest'ultimo.
AdiPK: esatto. Non me ne frega niente della liberta', non me ne faccio niente. Io voglio solo pagare di meno.
PK: ...
PK: e' meglio se non continuiamo a parlarne e ci fermiamo qui.

Esempio 2

Dialogo con mia madre: "probabilmente fra un po' chiuderanno annozero". "Ah ma io tanto neanche lo vedo". Gli italiani sono proprio servi che aspettano soltanto di ricevere ordini da qualcuno. Non uomini, bestie.

Victor Ward

Liberamente tratto da questo post.

Le mani, le Sue

Brand New - Jesus Christ

How could this be? It's a brand new car. We've had it only 12 days and it has only 700 miles on it. The only reason it has 700 miles and not 100 is because we took a road trip to Oregon. Which by the way, was interrupted with a check engine light and a trip to the closest dealership.

We bought a new car so we wouldn't have to worry about repairs, and although it's covered by warranty and repairs will be free, it still doesn't pay for our time, frustration and worry. Lame, lame, lame . . .can we say lame-on?

I called the Subaru dealership and spoke with the sales manager. I expressed my displeasure in a polite and firm way. Wasn't there anything they could do? From my days working at the Attorney General, I know you can't just return a car but still, couldn't they at least try? He was nice enough and said once I get the catalytic converter fixed to call him and let him know how it's going. I will. I'll also keep detailed records in case the car turns out to be a true lemon. Luckily the state of Washington has a Lemon Law, and I'm not afraid to use it, if I need to.

The sales manager talked to the service dudes and they ordered the part and the 'bu will go in Friday for it's new catalytic converter. Let's hope that fixes what ails it.

Anybody else out there have a 2008 Subaru Outback with the same problem? Anyone who knows anything about cars have some advice? Anyone successfully get the Lemon Law to work in your favor? I'd love to hear from you. I'm off to make some lemonade.

Anyways... here's today's song:

Brand New - Me vs Maradona vs Elvis

Last year quarrel with my dad when it's near my bdae... now.. today.. again.. when it's once again near my bdae.. ok though is 1 month later... but.. still tink is curse... sUx! i tink this will last quite abit.. and i tink is a small matter but juz dun understand.. and once again it touches sensitive issue.

F.U.C.K