"I haven't had much access to cdj's this month so I've been a little behind on my Smoke Sessions mix.
But I took what I was planning on recording and put it in Abelton and it turned out so good that I thought I would make it a one off mix instead.

I'm also thinking of doing some cover art for this one, if anyone has any ideas hit me up with an email:"

afterfadelisten@gmail.com

Download:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/201629794c210b07/

AFL - A World Gone Mad

01. iiO - Smooth (AFL's Pure Phase Dubstep Refix)
02. 2562 - Morvern
03. Skream - Hedd Banger
04. The Black Ghosts - Some Way Through This (Skream & Plastician Remix)
05. The Cartel - Kitchen Sink Anger
06. Kromestar & Hatcha - Mmmmm
07. Search & Destroy - Candyfloss (Toasty Remix)
08. Skream - Percression
09. Nero - This Way
10. Balaxx- Chae Style
11. Botz & Flydrums - Dema Style
12. Tricky D - Right Of Expression
13. Critical - Infoline
14. Kromestar & Hatcha - 1919
15. TRG - Less Music
16. AC23 - Lover Her
17. Clouds ft Tiiu - Under Dancing Feet (Tes La Rok Remix)
18. Jason Sparks - She Devil (HxdB's Ballgag Remix)]
19. SPL & Babylon System - Gangster
20. Bassbin Twinz - Woppa
21. The Eerier Child - Macabre
22. Veto - Unite (James Braun Remix)
23. Gary Jules - Mad World (Chemikal Dub)
24. Moyza ft Kerry Green - Love Got Lost
25. Rob Sparx - Independent Life (TRG Remix)
26. Robert Miles - Children (HxdB Refix)
27. Forsaken ft Joker & Ben Blackmore - Into The Sunset
*tracks in Bold & Italics are local Producers (British Columbia, Canada)

I'll be recording the new Smoke Session very soon. It's gonna be a nice downtempo vinyl mix, perfect for the coming fall season.

Download:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/201629794c210b07/

Last Saturday our nation gathered around screens in pubs and living rooms across the country to see the Warriors fall to Manly in the NRL semifinal.

Hours earlier 100,012 fans of a different sort gathered in a stadium in Melbourne to watch a very different sport.

The ball was still oval, but then so was the field. The players wore singlets and the tiniest of shorts. The game was Aussie Rules and this was the AFL Grand Final.

The Melbourne Cricket Ground, larger than the Bird’s Nest or the new Wembley, was packed for this huge occasion on Australia’s sporting calendar.

Melbourne’s own Hawthorn Hawks were up against favourites the Geelong Cats, in an epic battle for glory.

Aussie rules is a team sport played between two groups of 18 yobbos with a ball in the shape of a prolate spheroid.

For some reason it is played on a cricket pitch, with four posts either end. Strangely enough Aussie rules appears to have … no rules.

From what we understood, the aim is to get into as many barneys as possible, while trying to kick the spheroid through one of the posts.

The centre posts are “goals” (worth six points) and the outer posts are “behinds” (worth one point) - despite being beside.

There’s no offside rule, players can roam the field freely. The ball must be bounced occasionally, there’s no throwing, only punching. Players can tackle - and touch - each other using their hands or whole body.

It seems the players aren’t the only ones playing the game. Umpires (there’s eight plus one emergency replacement) lob the ball overhead for a lineout and throw the ball at the ground occasionally.

They pull off some very Billy Bowden-esque gestures when points are scored.

We’re not sure why, but bizarre men dressed in fluoro wander aimlessly, behaving like seedy flashers.

Geelong had a fair suck of the sav, and were given more than enough chances to clean up. If a few more of their behinds had been goals they would have won, but Hawthorn pulled away in the third quarter.

The mighty Hawks took out the trophy with a whopping 115 to Geelong’s 89. On ya mate!

The Hawks, despite being from Melbourne, are sponsored by the Tasmanian state government. The win saw a party in Hobart rivalled only by celebrations after those two guys got out of the Beaconsfield mine.

The grand final had one notable omission: seagulls. The two semi-finals were plagued by the feathered creatures.

Half time gives the chance to fire up the barbie, and grill some snags.
We suspect the gull summoning ceremony, whereby breadcrumbs are thrown onto the field in celebration, was cancelled. In its place was a half-time sprint and some children showing the pros how it’s done.

The only way to really watch Aussie Rules is to get ridiculously drunk, mute the TV, and provide your own commentary.

Also, pick a player who will then be referred to as “my guy”. It’s also fun to give them individual nicknames. This makes the game much more entertaining when your friend’s players do amusing or erotic things.

Take Paul’s “guy” for example - Jason Akermanis (El Pirato), who in the semi final (Geelong vs. Western Bulldogs) appeared to have slipped a Geelong player the Hopoate-style sneaky digit while he was bent over picking himself up off the field.

Unfortunately this team didn’t make the Grand Final, so being the greedy person that he is, Paul took on a second “guy”, Chance Bateman (Andrew Symonds lookalike) who split his chin open but played on with a bandage wrapped around his head. What a legend.

Wes’ “guy” Cameron Ling looked like a ginger bear, won ‘best and fairest’ once, and was a “Rising Star” nominee in 2001, all while being named “most determined and most dedicated ‘05″. Awwww, fair dinkum.

And Angela’s pick, good ol’ Cyril Rioli (Ernie Dingo) has something to do with an aboriginal health foundation for the kids. What a neat guy.

We will definitely be watching AFL next year, it’s heaps good.

Originally published in Te Waha Nui, AUT's student newspaper.

I figured I'd ask Jan to do it for me and she came up with this, modelled by my photographer:

It looks good all sorts of ways:

A seriously French angle:

And, for we footy fans, a boy's hat HAS to be able to do this:

It's in some left over Eki Riva Natal which is a fine alpaca/silk mix. Took about a ball and a half. Really lovely to knit and to wear. Left over from the gorgeous cardigan I shrunk and felted to something a 5 year old couldn't wear. Sob.

And I have missed so much to rant/rave/cheer/berate and ramble about.
hmmm so quick one.....

Go the HAWKS! To topple the the number 1 ranked team of 2008 in one of the best grand finals for the last 10 years (except for 1999- k'arn the Roos!)

Fishmalt will go through some small changes over the next few weeks (hopefully for the better) and I should be back on track to post some random crap such as "Have you ever wondered what you touch after sitting on the throne before you get to wash your hands? How clean is your waistline or belt buckle?" and other words of wisdom.
What I have in my head and what will happen could be two completly different things. In the end, I hope any and all that read this site, will take something away and (fingers crossed) come back to read more useless posts.

The Hawks touch down in Tassie...no doubt it was a day full of cheers, beers and jokes about 'maps'...

Hawthorn's premiership celebration tour has taken to the air, crossed the Bass Strait and landed in Tasmania! The Apple Isle has a unique sponsorship arrangement with the club and the Hawks delayed the traditional post-season Mad Monday craziness to show off the silverware in Hobart and Launceston. The club president/master spruiker, a number of coaches and players paraded the cup to a host of happy Taswegians; including local product Grant Birchall, who Kennett delighted in revealing to all that he gave his two front teeth for Tassie during the game. At least his friends will know what to get him for Christmas this year...

Full credit to the Hawks for ensuring they included Tasmania in the celebrations - it might have been a little pricey but that would not be a worry for them at this point in time. And to get down there so quickly after the win...considering that many of the players would be feeling a little dusty after a massive Sunday! This included a monster turn-out at Glenferrie with an estimated 20,000 fans in attendance...though we doubt that the terminally-sour Don Scott was there (or within a 100km radius of the place!)

The League, of course, would also have been pleased with the effort Hawthorn have gone to in Tasmania - and secretly wishing this would be enough to appease the locals and make them forget about launching a bid for a Tasmanian team in the AFL...which has zero chance of being approved by the AFL. Um...no! It only seems to be making them more determined - Andy D will be thrilled.

Who would want to watch the newly-crowned premiers belt out the club song in the rooms straight after the game? Answer: Everybody...except Channel Seven!

The champs now head back to the mainland to collect the keys to the city of Hawthorn and, more than likely, belt out the club song another 20 or so times! Which brings us to the telecast of the grand final on Saturday. Overall, it was more than satisfactory - the pre-match entertainment had its traditional array of eye-raising moments but the usual impulse to switch off the TV didn't kick in this year. That must be a good sign...though not everybody felt the same way!

After a seven year "hiatus", Channel Seven did a pretty good job with the game telecast and despite having an over-crowded commentary team, managed to integrate them all without flooding the airwaves with useless chatter. But just when you thought that Seven had ticked all the boxes for the day, they stumbled badly with two minutes left in the telecast when it became apparent that they would not show the Hawks singing the club song in the rooms.

NEWSFLASH: We interrupt this broadcast of Hawthorn winning the flag to announce...that Hawthorn have won the flag!

And sure enough, after teasing viewers by showing live footage of the Hawthorn boys gathering in a circle to belt out the song, they cut away to the news. The network have been bagged all year for leaving out the winning team's song on their Sunday game telecasts and then faced with the decision on the biggest day on the footy calendar, they stuffed it up again! Maybe next year, huh? Or the year after? Um, 2011?

...

The Cats will be back next year...let's hope Matthew Scarlett's hair also returns in 2009!

Meanwhile, probably in a dingy pub at the gateway to the Bellarine Peninsula, the post-mortem for Geelong continues. The place must still be in complete shock at the loss and the players are either totally blaming themselves or sticking up for those teammates who didn't fire on Saturday. But the Cats are talking redemption in 2009, which they are well entitled to do, and seeing this missed opportunity as a mere blip on the radar as they navigate the path to football greatness.

A good analogy can always come in handy when everything goes to tripe but Frank's Costa's attempt to relate Don Bradman's final innings to Geelong's plight doesn't quite work...the greatness of the Don was undisputed when he fell for a duck in his final knock and we don't feel that Geelong are in that position at all. This is probably the equivalent of the Cats whacking a quick-fire double-century in 2007 before copping a ferocious Harold Larwood-style bouncer from the Hawks that sent them back to the pavilion! Mark Thompson's boys need to respond in 2009 if they want to be categorised with the Bradman-like greatness of the three-peat Brisbane Lions.

...

Now that footy is over with for 2008...Half Back Flanker has no idea what to do! There is trade week coming up...and it looks like there could be some real activity this year rather than the usual round of 100-plus rumours that result in less than ten actual trades. So we will keep an eye on the events of trade week and see which big names will reject Collingwood again find greener pastures.

Dear MLB God(s)-

I know I don't pray as much as I should, but I figure now's a better time rather than never. I'll put it bluntly: Philadelphia needs a championship win...badly. I'm not afraid to admit it, I just think its time things change. This city has been tortured for far too long. Outside of sports, our morale has been destroyed, and things aren't looking that great for the future (at least with the way things have been going). I don't blame you specifically for these things, but you need to realize that you have a part. With the NBA, NHL, and NFL gods busy these days, (hopefully doing their part) I have to turn to you since this seems like the most appropriate time. I'll just put it out there: we're thirsty. And just to clarify, I don't believe in any AFL god.

Philadelphia is confused. We find ourselves rooting for such weird things, like horses, since our teams just can't get it together. It's obvious to other people that we're frustrated since we're just letting ourselves go. In the end, I don't think we're asking for much. I mean, c'mon, it's not like we're frickin' Boston bitching about not going 19-0 (eff them).

All I've got to say is please make sure the Phils not only make the World Series, but win it all. Please, just give us a victory.

L'chaim,

Evan

If it weren't for my uncharitable remarks during the ad for Erectile Dysfunction ("Those ad sellers certainly know their audience!"), he might have gone on to lay slumped in a drunken stupor for the remainder of the game. Instead, he slunk off at the first opportunity with his tankard of beer to get the BBQ ready, where he conveniently busied himself for the rest of the afternoon ("Sorry, son. These sausages aren't going to cook themselves...").

Soon thereafter, when I wandered off to get the salads ready, Mr Justice complained. I promptly gave him a bowl of Smith's finest to keep that complainin' mouth busy - but knew, in my heart of hearts, that I couldn't just stuff him with junk food for the next few hours. He'd fill up at one point or another. 

Luckily our fellow non-AFL abiding friends turned up shortly afterwards to help us ignore the football. Touchingly, KC (not affilliated with the Sunshine Band) had tried to get into the spirit of things by making Hawthorn-themed cupcakes. This put Mr Justice's nose a little out of joint - after all, he'd declared the house a Geelong zone by putting up his own home-made "Go Cats!" sign on the front door. KC tried to explain that yellow and brown were the only colours she'd had in the house, but the damage had been done. The adults were banished outside to chat amongst themselves, while Mr Justice stayed in to barrack for his precious team alone. 

And so the afternoon progressed pleasantly, with much food, wine and conversation. Mr Justice ran out periodically giving us enthusiastic updates such as "Geelong is catching up!", "Hawthorns [sic] are getting lots of points!", "I've made a poem: 'They're strong! They are Geelong!'" and, almost ecstatically, "One of the Hawks has been injured!!!". 

Out of maternal love, I went in to watch the final four minutes with him - even if it was just to see how many ads Channel Seven could shoehorn into the breaks between play (The answer? An unsurprisingly large amount). As that final siren blew and I turned to Mr Justice to commiserate, I saw tears welling up in his eyes. Gee, he's really feeling Geelong's defeat deeply, I thought to myself. But, as it turned out, it was only because Tiddles McGee had just bopped him a good one on the head with a hard plastic light saber and, after a quick recovery, he was off to play on the computer. 

Our BBQ continued without any of the adults really making any reference to the result. KC and my husband talked world politics and the global economy (la-di-dah!) and MM and I went back to chatting aboutthe wonderful world of blogging. Only Uncle B went and kicked the rubber footy around with the little kids for a bit. After all, as the only Victorian-born adult amongst us, his indifference to AFL must make him a little like a lapsed Catholic and so he had to pay some form of penance. In any case, I think we all enjoyed our virtually football-free Grand Final BBQ immensely.  

As for Mr Justice... As I put him to bed that night, he asked with wide eyes: "Mummy, which team do you think tried the hardest?". It was definitely Geelong, darling. "Good", he said, satisfied. "I think I'll go for Geelong again next year." They're strong, they are Geelong, indeed.

and karma bites me on the arse.

I took a day off on Friday when I really could've/should've/would've gone to work and whaddaya know come Saturday and Sunday I really do come down with a cold and feel like the proverbial. That'll teach me!

By the way, the Hawks won yesterday in front of a whooping 100,012 people at the MCG. The Cats left to lick their wounds, losing only their second game of the season but the one that mattered most! (Photos : Full match report)

Und hier gibt’s die anderen Abenteuer von Mr. Block in meinem Blog.

Well I can say it was one of the fabulous grand finals.  And Hawthorn took the honours - winning by 26 points.  My team, sadly, was not among the contestants.  So I was sort of neutral, except that the Hawks Shane Crawford, after 305 games over 17 years had never played in a grand final.  So I sort of had a leaning toward them,... though I wasn't overly passionate other than absolutely loving the game.  You can see all the info and action at AFL.com.au

Hawthorn

has beaten Geelong

in a major upset during the AFL Grand Final on a perfect spring day in Melbourne.

Over 100,000 fans gathered for this annual event, many decked out in the gold and bown of Hawthorn, or the blue and white of the Geelong Cats.

The final score was 18.7. 115 to 11.23.89.

if you must, then read more here

♥ Jane

If anybody was destined to go totally nuts on the podium today, it was Crawf...and you can't blame him either!

Hawthorn have just upset the footballing applecart...tipped it on it's head, in fact! Geelong failed to cash in on a season of rare dominance by falling short at the final hurdle and the Hawks now have a tenth premiership cup in their keeping. After losing just one match on the way to the grand final, the popular theory seemed to be that the match would be tight but Geelong would be the better side in the end...well, that idea went to shit in a series of failed forays forward and sprayed shots at goal from the Cats.

The stumpiest captain-coach combination in VFL/AFL history delivers another cup to Hawthorn...and Sammy Mitchell is so excited that he appears to be at half-mast!

With Norm Smith Medallist Luke Hodge directing traffic superbly from half back, the Hawks broke open a tight match in the third term with six goals and the misfiring Cats could not find a way to get back into the match. The win was a fitting reward for veteran Shane Crawford after 17 years service at Hawthorn. This may well be his final AFL game; as he has a long post-footy career of goofing off on crappy Channel Nine television shows ahead of him; but there could hardly be a better way to bow out of the game.

Bomber Thompson will be pissy at some of his players...but not this guy! Lil' Ablett was Geelong's best and nearly matched his father by winning Norm in a losing team. Head up, young fella!

Cats coach Mark Thompson was left to wonder whether the opportunity to win back-to-back was too great for some of his players.  They were more than competitive for a majority of the match but a surprisingly dysfunctional forward line and poor shooting at goal prevented them from gaining any advantage...and the Hawks made them pay big time! And when we say poor conversion in front of goal, we mean 'record settting...try the third most behinds ever scored in a VFL/AFL grand final and the most by a losing grand final team!

...

So while Cats fans attempt to drown their sorrows, the Hawk faithful will be going completely feral tonight! As for Half Back Flanker, we will be sleeping off a big day of drinkies, home-made sausage rolls and some post-footy rockin' out on Guitar Hero and will fully review the events of grand final day very soon. Until then; well done Hawks (have another celebratory Chang beer, DC...whichever country you are in right now!) and commiserations Cats (bad luck LuLi...and a shame Delta didn't sing today. I love that bitch too!)

Imagine losing only two games in a whole year of football, and one of those two games is the Grand Final!

That'd have to suck.

On behalf of football-loving bogongs, dugongs, and bogans everywhere, thank you to the two teams, victors Hawthorn and contenders Geelong, for an excellent match. Often these Grand Final things are just embarrassing walk-overs. But not today.

We Aussies love to see an underdog win, and we got to see that happen at the MCG this arvo. The only thing that detracts from the satisfaction of having witnessed a truly epic match, fought in truly heroic manner by both teams, is that Jeff Kennett will be happy with the outcome.

Of course, was a time, Hawthorn won all the Grand Finals. I distinctly remember one year they'd just won again, and the ritual of presenting mugs and medals and making speeches on the stage was unfolding. The MC suddenly got lost in the thread of things. The Hawthorn captain, who was on the stage with the bewildered MC at the time, took over, and led him through the rest of the festivities.

I enjoy a good game, regardless of the victor, but Hawthorn is close to my heart because my father barracks for the Hawks. I even thought of going down Home to watch the game with him, but he has dementia, so there would have been no point.

So while there are ppl all over Melbourne tonight celebrating Hawthorn's win as something that is real and relevant to their ongoing lives, to me it is something that belongs to the time when my father was still himself. Back when he had a memory, and he could begin and end a sentence without wondering what he was talking about.

Everytime i go down Home to visit him, i ask him if he's been following the Hawks. He says he doesn't really like that Dipper, but he's pretty sure that Jason Dunstall is still the team's leading goal kicker for the season, and that he might even win the Brownlow, that Jason. I take note of the yellow and brown knitted cushion cover he has on his armchair, and i wonder if he remembers what it means, when i'm not talking to him about his footy team.

I'll talk to him about the Grand Final next time i'm down there. It'll be a pleasant surprise for him to learn that his team won, even though he would have watched it today (they do a big lunch on Grand Final day, the Place, and they have Special Activities). Of course, i'll mention it everytime i'm down there for the next year, and it'll be a pleasant surprise for him each time.

Good work, Hawks. Thanks for giving my dad so many happy surprises.

Cats: there's always next year.

My team: stop being so fricken pathetic and WIN SOME GAMES!

Yours,
Gullybogan

So Geelong didn't win the grand final. Okay, shit happens. But answer me the this, how the hell does the form team and the minor premiers of the competition these last two years kick 23 goddamn behinds in a grand final? 23 behinds is absolutely embarassing. Really, Hawthorn played pretty average, but they're kicking between the sticks was straighter. 23 behinds, Shit.

Oh well, off to watch Ironman then!

Little Mr Gorgeous has been under pressure - his 'Uncle' who he's named after is a Cats supporter (sorry Vern :( ) and there's a woman here in the congregation who is a mad Hawks supporter and has been threatening to make him a Hawks beanie. (NB He won't be seen dead in yellow and brown and once LOL. His mother won't allow it!).

Yadaydayad. I'm happy for the Hawks. And for Shane Crawford. 17 years is a fair effort in the making!

For the sake of making a tip, I predict Geelong will win by 30 points.

I also predict that 90% of non-NSW and non-QLD residents who actually drink alcohol will be nursing a nasty hangover tomorrow.

I want Hawthorn to win, whether that be an underdog thing or because my sister's boyfriend and my brother's  fiancée both go for Hawthorn I don't know. Probably because no one likes to see a team win back-to-back premierships unless it's their own.

All I do know is that if Geelong win there's an 80% chance I will be heading down to Geelong tonight to celebrate (and pretend I'm a Cats fan). I'm predicting the street scenes will be similar to something out of a post-Apocalypse film, except everyone will be really, really happy about it being the end of the world.

So don't waste your life away today. Get drunk and eat sausage(s).

http://thisdevilsworkday.wordpress.com/

The AFL is the world's premier Australian football league, a sport little known outside Australia but, a bona-fide religion for many Australians, particularly in its spiritual home of Melbourne and heartlands in the south and west of the continent. Geelong are coming into the match with an imposing record of 23 wins and just one loss this season. Hawthorn are no dunces either, clearly being the 'next-best' team all season. Everything, barring 'Buddy' Franklin inspired brilliance, points to a Geelong victory. But, you just have to ask the New England Patriots that being the most dominate team of the season doesn't guarantee the big prize at the end of the day.

Those interested in tuning in should/may/could be able to view the match via the notoriously fickle Donga TV live feed of Australia network located here. (True to form, the feed isn't working at the time of writing this). Match begins 2:30pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, 1:30pm Korean time.

That line ("I'm as excited as any football-loving bogong...") was uttered this week in anticipation of Saturday's Grand Final by none other than the president of the Hawthorn Football Club and past-Premier of the State of Victoria, Mr Jeff Kennett.

A "bogong" is a type of moth. If you watched the Sydney Olympics Closing Ceremony, that big brown moth on the fat lady's dress, right at the end? That was a bogong moth.

Kennett meant "football-loving bogan", of course.

Fricken idiot.

Kennett, flushed with his success as the most hated Premier of all time, teaming that with his role on the anti-depression think tank Beyond Blue, and now his clear success as President of Hawthorn, had at one time been expected to leverage his obvious street cred (generated by appealing to the common bogan in the street in the above manner) by launching a bid to become Lord Mayor of Melbourne.

Merrily, this is now not to be.

He says that he's too busy running the Pie Night at Hawthorn to be Lord Mayor as well.

What a pity.

Anyway, let's hope that the man who metaphorically raped and pillaged the Victorian community - and made its kids watch while he did it - while "in office" (i still refer to that time as "the Occupation") has a lovely day at the footy tomorrow.

Yours,
Gullybogan

PS Jeff, if you happen to read this, just remember that you can't use Acts of Parliament to gag ppl anymore. We won. Viva la resistance! Suffer in your jocks.

Jeff Kennett, presently the President of the Hawthorn Football Club, was speaking to the ABC about how he felt seeing his team in the AFL Grand Final.

Bogon? Bogon? Yeah, Jeff's a man who'd fit right in with the cheer squad on the boundary.

These Hawk fans have gone to a whole lotta trouble...but then it has been 17 years in between grand finals for them!

AFL Grand Final - MCG, 2:30pm (local): Geelong v Hawthorn (SEVEN)

One more sleep, footy freaks! Septocemia has engulfed the self-acknowledged 'Sporting Capital Of The World' and with less than twenty-four hours until the bounce, the excitement for Cats and Hawks fans must be tough to contain.  To call September in Melbourne a "silly season" is an understatement of gigantic proportions...the place is more than silly right now; it's completely freakin' mental!

Silly season? What silly season? You find freaks like this every weekend in Melbourne!

If you needed any further proof, the place to be today was at the grand final parade!

Which bloke will be lucky enough to get that free hand on the trophy as well?

Of course, these two teams played out one of the best ever grand finals in 1989 and now Victoria has gone into some kind of late-80's time warp! Plenty of reminiscing is going on...and don't some of the old-timers love it! Since the Hawks held on to claim the flag in '89, these two sides have also maintained a decent history of closely contested games - let's hope this continues tomorrow. After all the whinging from the local media over the years about those pesky interstaters crashing the grand final party since the year 2000...it would really suck for them if we have another blowout!

Did Buddy try to disguise himself as a motorcycle traffic cop to avoid attention at the grand final parade?

So, the time for talk is over and the game is almost here! No matter which part of the world you find yourself tomorrow, there are ways to keep track of the events at the MCG, so there are no excuses to miss a second of what shapes up to be a gripping finale to the football season. If you are taking advantage of the occasion to crank up the barbie for the first time since last April, go check the gas bottle...right now! And if you have a ticket for the game, you are one lucky son-of-a-gun...or you must have connections!

And, for what it's worth, our tip is back-to-back flags for Geelong...CATS by 27. Norm Smith Medal...lil' Ablett!

...

Now grand final day is always a special occasion - exciting, dramatic, sweaty and bloody long! But when does all the interesting stuff happen? Well, Half Back Flanker has put together a complete run-down of the events on grand final day so that you can skip the crap that you don't like but don't miss any of the action!

THE 2008 AFL GRAND FINAL DAY TIMETABLE

9:00am: AFL Under-16 Championships Division Two Grand Final - Tasmania v Northern Territory. Winners each receive their first keg, courtesy of major sponsor Carlton Draught.

10:55am: AFL Under-16 Championships Division One Grand Final - Western Australia v Vic Metro. Winners each receive $10,000 from player agent Ricky Nixon and his business card. No obligations though...

12:55pm: Carlton Draught sky troopers parachute into arena.

Look out below...beer incoming!!!

12:58pm: Arena cleared of drunk bogans who jump the fence in an attempt to catch "all the giant beers falling from the sky!"

1:10pm: Delivery of match balls, beamed down from Lance Franklin's alien spacecraft.

1:15pm: AFL Grand Final teams warm up in AFL-approved velour tracksuits.

1:35pm: Pre-match entertainment starts.

1:36pm: Pre-match entertainment cancelled due to lack of entertainment value.

1:41pm: Cavalcade of retiring players, 2008 Hall of Fame inductees, Olympians, Paralympians and the Terang Mortlake Bloods, Hampden Football League premiers, after a full week of non-stop drinking. The cavalcade will drive very, very slowly

The crowd will love Powderfinger...which makes you wonder how they found themselves on the bill! Perhaps the AFL were desperate when the Seekers pulled out at the last minute...

1:49pm: Performance by Australian Rock act Powderfinger.

1:50pm: Powderfinger performance cancelled after noise complaints from some of the AFL commissioners.

1:52pm: A 20-minute flag waving display from the Holden Precision Goal Umpires Team.

Some flag-waving fun...what a treat!

2:12pm: Delivery of 2008 Cup from ambassador Glen Archer to AFL chairman Mike Fitzpatrick. AFL chairman left to tip all the cold beer out of the cup.

2:15pm: Umpires enter arena under full police protection.

2:16pm: Teams enter arena.

2:17pm: Cyril Rioli exits the arena for a nervous wee.

2:27pm: Advance Australia Fair performed by Rocky Horror Picture Show star Derryn Hinch.

Think you've heard some dodgy renditions over the years? Well, just wait until you hear this!

2:28pm: Coin toss.

2:29pm: Another coin toss after Tom Harley successfully appeals for a 'best-of-three'.

2:30pm: The 2008 AFL Grand Final.

3:40pm: Half Time AFL Grand Final Sprint; featuring the only eight AFL players who are currently sober.

5:15pm: Presentation of Norm Smith Medal for the best player, probably to Steve Johnson of Geelong. Presentation of premiership medallions, probably to Geelong. Presentation of Jock McHale medal to premiership winning coach, probably to Mark Thompson of Geelong. Presentation of premiership cup, probably to Tom Harley of Geelong.

9:30pm: A semi-conscious, half-naked Billy Brownless dragged off arena by seven burly security guards after going too hard too early with the post-match celebrations.

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